Evolution Series Part 1: How To Evolve In Your Health Journey When Others Aren’t Evolving With You
Welcome to the beginning of my evolution series. I set out to create this series after experiencing growth and evolution in my own life. I spent years developing a healthy routine for myself and I came across so many struggles and obstacles along the way. I experienced a lot of judgement, confusion, fear, grief, heart ache and loneliness, just to name a few. I knew that if I am going through these changes and experiencing these challenges, then others must be going through similar things. Whenever we are on a journey to better ourselves, we can be faced with so many things. Part of the journey is breaking away from old habits and old stories which can involve grieving our “old selves” or fear that others may judge us for “changing”. Evolving can also feel incredibly lonely because others may not be on the same journey and you may feel like you can’t relate to others. These are just a few of the things that came up for me in my evolution. I created this series to help guide you towards your evolution. Part of this series will include a guide on how to find your own individual path and other parts will just be inspirational to help you keep going and stay positive on your journey. I created this evolution series for YOU.
Part 1
Even when I didn’t quite know the path I wanted to take, I knew that I wanted to change and grow. I knew that others weren’t going to evolve with me and I knew that it wasn’t my job to force my new beliefs upon them. Before you figure out your path, it is important to know that others may not be on board and that is okay (this includes family, friends and significant others). Even though we know that others aren’t going to be on the journey with us, we don’t know what to expect from them. Even though family and friends love us, they might react differently when we begin to change who we are. It is normal to experience judgement or resentment from loved ones. It is also normal for your loved ones to never understand what you are doing or why, even if you have clearly explained it to them. Because of this, the journey to living a better life can feel incredibly lonely and frustrating.
Part of my journey began when I was still living with my parents in my hometown in my young twenties and part of my journey began when I moved across country with my now fiancé. I had struggles in both places. I struggled when I lived back east, because the people I was surrounded by didn’t share the same beliefs that I was beginning to believe and they couldn’t understand my path. I dealt with judgement and loneliness and part of me felt non relatable. When I moved across country, where I knew no one, I felt incredibly lonely on my journey. I also was living with my boyfriend for the first time and I had to adapt into a new life. The journey hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it. This journey has been emotional but it has also lifted me up in so many ways.
Firstly, why do we experience “painful experiences” when we are evolving into a better version of ourselves? Isn’t it supposed to feel amazing? Why do we feel guilty about ordering a salad for dinner when the people we are dining with are ordering mac and cheese? Why do we feel guilty about wanting what we know will benefit us? Why do we feel shameful? There is so much fear and worry surrounding our health goals… and why is that?
It all comes down to wanting approval from others. We are afraid that others will judge us for our choices. We all have heard “stop caring what others think”, but we all care about what others think to some extent (some more than others). It is in our nature to compare, judge and care about what others think. I have felt ashamed about ordering a salad at dinner while others ordered differently. I felt as if I made them feel bad. I also felt like I was being judged for my decision. What I have come to learn is that we are not responsible for how others feel. We are not responsible for others emotions. Once we can fully understand that, is when we can move on and make decisions without guilt. You cannot do something that isn’t in alignment with your goals just because you want to protect others feelings. Read that last statement again and again. You are not responsible or in control over others emotions just like they are not responsible for what path you take in life.
How do we evolve in our health journey when others aren’t evolving with us?
I read a lot of books on transformation. A lot of them talk about how you may lose friends and family along the way. This can be true. Often when we start getting rid of toxic habits, we start to naturally filter out the toxic relationships as well. Just keep in mind: just because your friend likes to go out and party on the weekends and you have now decided to do yoga on the weekends instead, doesn’t mean you have to rid yourself of that friend. You don’t need to fear losing close friends or family (unless they are indeed toxic to your wellbeing). Instead, we need to evolve those relationships. You are evolving your life, so that means your relationships will need to evolve too. This might mean inviting your friends to different types of plans that fit in with your lifestyle and goals.
What if I can’t talk to my friends or family about my wellness journey?
This is where it can feel especially lonely. When I began discovering health and wellness, I was so excited to talk about it. The problem was that I had no one to talk to. When you are evolving, it is important to take care of your social life as well as your health. It is important to connect with like minded people. I began doing this through social media. It is 2021, you can make friends on social media! I connect with so many like-minded women every single day on social media! There are so many other people out there in their own journey too (and they might be looking for you!). This is such a powerful tool to use to connect with others that you can relate to! Another tool (that I use myself) is an app like the Bumble BFF app (similar to the dating app but for friends). Again, it is 2021, you can make friends through an app! This is especially great if you have moved to a new area where you don’t know anyone. You can swipe through and find other like-minded individuals who live in your area. This is such a great tool to use whether you are looking for a Friday yoga and coffee buddy or a deeply connected friendship. You can also checkout meetups in your local area. There are lots of different hiking meet ups, cooking classes, yoga classes and more where there are opportunities to meet others who are into the same things as you! This is something that I wish I had done in the beginning of my wellness journey. You don’t have to ditch your personal relationships that don’t align with your goals, but you can create new ones that do.
Social media is not only a great tool for making friends, but it is also a great way to share your journey. I started my wellness account as a way to share the workouts I was doing and the meals I was eating. I wasn’t planning on making it a business or making friends from it, I just wanted a place where I could share my journey and connect with others who were on a similar path.
There is nothing like feeling alone on any journey so finding ways to connect with others is important!
What happens if no one wants to make plans with me anymore because they think I have changed?
It is impossible to live a double life. It is also impossible to stay in your old behaviors and create new behaviors. There will be people in your life (even ones very close to you) who cannot understand you, who think that you’ve changed and who no longer want to call you. My best advice is to respect the distance that others create, let those people in your life go and when the universe thinks it is time, it will pull you back together.
You may inspire those around you to create their own health journey, or you may end up pushing others away (by choice or not by choice). While we hope that our better choices inspire rather than push people away, we cannot predict the reaction of others. I recommend sharing what you are doing and just simply ask for support. The people in your life don’t necessarily have to understand what you are doing, but they should be supportive.
What happens if someone asks me to do something that doesn’t align with my goals?
Like I said above: You cannot do something that isn’t in alignment with your goals just because you want to protect others feelings. However, you do need to let the people in your life know the decisions you are making and why. If you normally go to happy hour after work on Wednesdays with friends, but you’ve decided to go to a yoga class during that time from now on, your friends are going to need some sort of explanation. i.e “I have recently decided to sign up for this fun Wednesday yoga class so I won’t be able to make it to happy hour on Wednesdays anymore! I would love to still see you, would Sundays for coffee work instead? (You can also extend an invite to the yoga class too)”. You can also search for a yoga class that includes happy hour afterwards so you can do something together. I suggest refraining from saying anything like “I am not interested in doing this anymore” or “I don’t eat or drink that stuff” - this language could hurt others feelings.
A true story from my experience:
When Bobby and I first moved in together, we both had to adjust. He knew I was very health conscious, but he also still ate foods I would never eat (I was vegan and he was not, he liked to eat ice cream almost every night and I did not). It took 2 whole years of living together for him to try a smoothie. I took him to a juice/smoothie bar so I could try it out and he surprised me be ordering one. Now he makes smoothies for breakfast on the weekends. It also took him 3 years to try lentils and quinoa and now he actually enjoys them. He also enjoys my homemade plant based ice cream and some plant based meals as well. This change was created by himself. I did zero pushing, I just set an example and respected his own journey.
My top tips:
Connect with like minded individuals
Respect the choices and journey of others around you
Make decisions and choices for YOU not for others
Set an example rather than push your beliefs on others
Keep in mind that your journey is beginning now and at the right time for you. Your friends journey will begin at the right time for them. The important thing to keep in mind is that this is your own unique journey and you should get really excited about that.
Stay tuned for part 2!
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
